April 2011
57 posts
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“My Lord God,
I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the...”
– Thomas Merton
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Couldn't
I am going to try my best to be happy over this story.
Happy in a way that keeps me going. Not fluctuating between happy and frustration at not getting enough follow-ups.
I did good. I was pretty proud of myself for being this little kichimayo and covering the biggest trial in the country, of saying ‘hi’ to the Home Minister and getting statements from him and the IGP. I mean, how...
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Day 4: Favorite Female Character
No contest.
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Fury
What’s wrong with me?
I just burst into tears at work.
And I’m angry. And tense. Always so tense. Shoulders drawn up to my ears tense.
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Kerala
Hasbee: Free to meet up this weekend?
Me: Can't. Going to Madey's home.
Hasbee: India?
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Fellatio
So, you know you’ve made it when Level fucking 23 rewrites you.
Hell yes.
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Skin
I really hate how I see so much of you in the things I do.
I said it at the start - you’re my twin.
But after you hurt me so badly, it becomes… Difficult.
To see us mirroring the other.
That night, when we had an entire conversation in nods and monosyllables.
What is this?
When I nudge someone out the way, when I stride in a certain manner, sometimes in jokes I make or comments I...
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Regret II
I am aware that I preach forgetting regret, but sometimes… Sometimes, I have to indulge myself.
But I am honestly shocked at myself. Someone like me, taking so much crap from such an insignificant waste of a person (if you’re reading, don’t get me wrong - I think you’re lovely, but you are sort of a waste).
Things I Profoundly Regret Having Letting You Said/Done To Me:
1....
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Day 3: Favorite Song Used In An Episode
Okay,...
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Concentrate
Anon: We got stuff to plan out after all.
Me: We do?
Anon: Weekend. Singapore.
Me: Oh okay.
Anon: Wedding.
Me: Cool.
Anon: Okay, come on, it wasn't that bad a joke.
Me: WAIT, WHAT? I JUST SAW THAT.
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Jatuh
I keep trying to pin down the exact moment I fell in love with you. Like a Rossetti poem.
Sometimes I think it was in the UMNO building, after you gave me that sweet note. I looked at you with such horror.
Other times I think it was that blissful Sunday, sitting on a wet mat with my face pressed against your chest.
Or sometimes my mind goes all the way back and I think, shit, maybe it was when...
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Day 2: Favorite Episode
I was not looking forward to this one.
Favorite episode?! For real?
So I figure, a list. Narrow it down. And so on and so forth. Refer to my Watcher’s Guide (hurh hurh).
I loved the runaway hits - Once More With Feeling, Restless, Primeval, Hush.
But I also love the clunkier, weirder ones. Normal Again, anyone?
And I’ve got a big jonesing for anything with a one-liner that...
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Day 1: Favorite Season
This is sort of a tough one, because I fucking love every single season.
I mean, even the mind-numbing ennui of Season Six was brilliant; because it was such a realistic, interminable depiction of depression. Plus, it had gems such as Normal Again, Smashed and Once More With Feeing.
Four was fantastic because it was fun, flippant, villain-a-week straight-up storytelling. And yes, it had Hush and...
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Surprise
Buffy: You didn’t say anything, you just left.
Angelus: Yeah, like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Buffy: What?
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although, I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let’s not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let’s not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I don’t understand. Was it me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great, really, I thought you were a pro.
Buffy: How can you say this to me?
Angelus: Lighten up, it was a good time, it doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal.
Buffy: It is a big deal!
Angelus: It’s what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on, Buffy. It’s not like I’ve never been there before.
Buffy: Don’t touch me.
Angelus: I should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Buffy: Angel! I love you.
Angelus: Love you too. I’ll call you.
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Quatre
Four days, like pretty maids all in a row.
Four bad days.
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So R told me earlier this evening that this song...
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Tash
Me: We need a camp for douchebags, where they can go to be less douchey.
MsT: If there was a douchebag camp, who would be running the country?
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“Even if you don’t get a scholarship, I’m still really proud that you...”
– R – rarely there when you want him, always there when you need him.
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Ovary
SJZ: Fuck, I really need a haircut.
Me: And to lose some weight.
SJZ: What? I need to lose weight?!
Me: HAHAHA. I'm such a cunt.
SJZ: Yes, you really are.
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“I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be, and more of a woman than you’ll ever get.”
– Angel Dumott Schunard, RENT
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Really
Me: And he's so ADORABLE. And NICE. I have no idea why Little Lion Man has a problem with him!
SJZ: Well, Little Lion Man used to fight back.
Me: "Fight back"? You make it sound like rape.
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“Oh, Menara UOA Bangsar. Okay okay, I know it. (pause) Damansara Intan? Where the...”
– Benji Lim
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Casually
Me: OH MY GOD. IT'S YOU!
SJZ: Yes, it's me. I do still work here.
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“You treat me like I’m a princess,
I’m not used to liking that.
You...”
– Alanis Morissette, Head Over Feet
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Jew
Me: Eh, who do I ask if I wanna find out about exports?
R: Uh... Zeti?
Me: Fucker. How to reach? Got number?
R: Email gabenor@gmail.com
Me: Pukimak.
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Work
Like everyone else, I have this pressing urge to do something useful with my life.
Of course, I secretly want to be Superman. Imagine the shit I could pull off yo. And I’d rock the superhero outfit.
Sadly, being a woman and not a Kryptonian to boot I’m settling for the whole Lois Lane, April O’Neil thing.
Okay, I’m talking a lot of cock. I’m just happy because I...
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“I can be an asshole of the grandest kind. I can withhold like it’s going out of...”
– Alanis Morissette, Everything
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“Are you just nitpicking things so that you don’t have to commit to a...”
– WR
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Philistine
Nicole: Nabokov!
Me: Oh please. What have you read besides Lolita?
Nicole: WIKIPEDIA.
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Shudder
It happened again. It’s getting worse.
I thought it was in my head, some stupid teenage bullshit. I came so close – I got the details, I even initiated contact. And then at the last minute I convinced myself I was all right.
He used to say I was broken – and he was so comfortable with it that it became jarring. I hate how a man who didn’t love me at all understood me.
I got home. Nauseous. Too...
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Hong
I said I was happy – happy to be all right.
But it was so exquisite. It was just like loving him: I hurt fully. Completely.
Because of him, I now know what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object.
I know what the moon means, what the sun sings, the secrets the stars whisper to each other when they think everyone is asleep.
Being connected to that collective, that pool of...
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“No matter black, white or beige, Chola or Orient-made; I’m on the right...”
– Lady Gaga, Born This Way
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Capital
I can’t do this.
I don’t know if I can do this.
Please let me get past this.
It’s like I’m only ever happy when I’m crying. That must be why I seek it out so much.
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“She had come to him to make her body unique, irreplaceable. But he, too, had...”
– Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
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Precisely
This is exactly, completely, totally it. (Thanks, Hani.)
The problem is that it is always too late. The same fucking problem, every single time.
And every bit of me I share makes me that much more ordinary.
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Running
I really don’t go on about my friends often enough.
It’s been a good few months, and I am particularly thrilled because so many people have come into my life and made it so much more colorful.
Hani, who is beautiful and kind and so full of grace and wit and humor. I’ve met few women as lively, as effervescent. It’s no wonder that Little Lion Man pulled the moves on her:...
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10/19/07 - A Dramatic Exit
Me: Well, I have things to do. Ciao losers! (flounces off, then sheepishly comes back to retrieve bag, offers meek smile)
Prakash: When you’ve just done something really stupid, LEAVE QUICKLY. Don’t stand around waiting for us to mock you.
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After Slamming Down The Phone
Vinod: Man. I feel like I just called the Prime Minister.
Me: Who were you speaking to?
Vinod: MBSJ.
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Explain
I haven’t tumblr’d in a while - mostly because I don’t want to write something important and have him find it here instead of manning up and saying it like I should.
So chances for Stanford are slim to none. It’s all right - it matters I got in, doesn’t it? At any rate, I look forward to the angry letters I’ll be able to write once this all falls...
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“Fear thou not; for I am with thee -”
– Isaiah 41:10
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Faith
It’s really okay.
It really is.
If despite my efforts, I am not moving; then perhaps I am not meant to do so.
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“Girl, don’t bullshit please. If I were with you, I’d backhand you...”
– Prakky
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#5 - Stanford
Got in, can’t afford the fees.
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Fucking Activists
Me: Blah blah blah love blah blah blah boys blah blah blah forgiveness blah blah blah. Does that make sense?
Hasbee: It does. It tells me you're a psycho.
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“Mark Darcy > Daniel Cleaver.”
– Max, who speaks fluent Woman.
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Desi
Me: So Jian had this suggestion. Jack Daniels gulab jamun. Next time he's here...
Tarani: You are both crazy.
Me: Come on, it'll be fun.
Tarani: I'm not really a fan of whiskey.
Me: We'll do other stuff. Bailey's barfi?
Tarani: Oh my God. *high-fives*
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Concur
sepetfairy:
Between the two of us, you lose more: Because perhaps I’ll love others the way I loved you, but nobody will love you the way I did.
Sometimes, this girl just gets it.
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Younger Model
Replacement?
Fuck you.
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“I don’t care what you do to me, but I don’t want vou to hurt me....”
– Midori Kobayashi, Norwegian Wood
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