March 2011
66 posts
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“In so many ways, you are the bane of my existence.”
– Anon <3
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“Come to Chic Pop. Oh wait, it’s at Jaya One. Let’s just get that out...”
– Michelle Tam
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Poodle
I am just so ridiculously happy these days, I feel like punching myself.
Work has been a little slow the past couple of days (by which I mean I file like ONLY ONE STORY A DAY, NO) but I’ve sent out a couple emails, am chasing someone, got to start chasing someone else - there is a lot of chasing involved, it’s like having a crush on a boy.
Please let it pick up soon!
In other sad...
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Ho
Me: So there's a video of me floating around the Internet.
Kiddo: Of course there is.
Me: EH. BITCH.
Kiddo: What? It was only a matter of time. Well done, Anon.
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Denial
immiyap:
i’m still amazed at your ability to lie to yourself. keep going like that and nobody can truly love you. they can’t. how ironic. because that’s what you desperately crave.
Weep for yourself, my man - you’ll never be what is in your heart.
(Your grace is wasted in your face - your boldness stands alone among the wreck. Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting...
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Yikes
Nicole: Geez, you should just set up a secret Tumblr. Post all your stories so we get instant updates.
Me: No fun like that.
Nicole: Yeah, two-month-old news is more fun.
Me: Ouch.
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“I love myself so much that I am not afraid of being hurt, because I know I am...”
– Hani
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Jar
Finally.
Good music again.
Things have been a good sort of easy sort of chilled-out sort of insane.
If that even makes sense.
And I know usually I write it all down - who said what, where I went, what I did - but I’m running out of energy in some ways.
Hell, I haven’t read a book since I started work. Which is ridiculous, because I’m really not doing that much.
And I guess...
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“Love, men will stare at your tits no matter what. Might as well milk it to get a...”
– Sean
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Don't Drink At 3PM
Sean: So when do you get off?
Me: About five minutes into it.
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“There is no such thing as faith and trust and pixie dust.”
– Jonatha Brooke, I’ll Try
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White
insert here insipid half-assed prose which tries its very best to be deep and meaningful and convey just how much -
insert here some sort of quotation or song lyric which tells you that i -
insert here not enough sleep and a complete lack of caring because the night is selfish and wants you to itself but it had better get in line
insert here a moment, a brief moment where i actually hate my...
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Like
I like how he is left-handed and I am right-handed.
Because it means that if we meet at events or press conferences or ceramah and have to take notes, we can still hold hands.
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Stands
Man, my new theory is that I just bring out the worst in people.
So R and I are doing our every-now-and-then balik together thing, and he mentions how I’ve put loads of weight.
Like, seriously?
And he tells me how when we started dating I was a lot slimmer.
For fuck’s sake, I was seventeen when you met me. I’m sorry I, I dunno, developed hips?
Then he pulls a line about...
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“You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the...”
–
Jean-Paul Sartre, La Nausée
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Rainwater
One of those days where you go over every single little bit of it in excruciating detail, and try your level best to commit everything to memory.
At some point I’ll try write about it, but I doubt I can just yet.
Today was the best day I’ve had in a very long while.
Of course, being a wonderful day, I felt like my head was going to explode. I am not used to this. I don’t think...
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JPEG
You don’t have alexithymia, you fuckwit.
You’re just making excuses for your fear.
And don’t tell me you don’t know what your greatest fear is?
I do.
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Mommy Fearest
Look, I don’t know why you’re suddenly doing this.
Five months of not speaking to me? Best five months of my life. Please don’t start now.
And all of a sudden - somewhat miraculously, could it perhaps have anything to do with the grad school acceptance letter? - you’re checking up on where I am? You’re hanging and taking in my laundry? You’re driving me to the...
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Aloe
But you see, I really don’t need it.
You can’t miss what you never had (or don’t remember having).
I’m a glutton when it comes to affection, I am greedy. And because I don’t want to lose control, I try and deny myself it as much as I can. The one time I slipped and succumbed, I ended up trusting the wrong man.
So maybe I have to stop. I gave it a shot and I do not...
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Familiar
The thing is, we all recognize each other.
Maybe it’s the way we carry ourselves. Something in the slant of a smile, or glint of the eyes. Maybe it’s the way we choose certain words carefully, go silent at the oddest of times when it strikes us (moves us), when innocent conversation becomes a dangerous arena, with words that will lead to sharing too much.
I wonder why we all...
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Make You
Insanity.
A week ago, Anon asked me to dinner with a few of his friends and I decided to go despite being so sleepy I could die.
I was curious, you see.
It ended up with us crashing at Anand’s watching Chasing Amy and eating McDonald’s.
We fell asleep on the couch together, his arm around my waist because I’d complained about being cold.
That sort of intimacy is extremely...
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#4
I don’t write about anything real.
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“Can I make out with him if I get drunk too?”
– Jian, being a dick.
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Alexithymia
Is not even listed in DSM-IV, and none of the symptoms are something I see in me. My reactions to art, literature, music - are hardly subdued. But it holds a strong relationship to panic attacks, which I’ve been dealing with for several years now.
If I had to self-diagnose, I’d suggest stoicism or repression. But whatever it is, I really need to speak to someone soon.
Work’s...
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“Buat apa nak hack FMT? Maybe for practice…”
– Anon, being a dick.
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“Oh my God, I’m running out of curse words for this man.”
– Manpreet Kaur
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Gap
Me: So, how old were you after SPM?
Anon: Uh... Same age most people are after SPM. Seventeen.
Me: Oh. I was in fourth grade then.
Anon: You were eight in Primary Four? Geez. In a hurry to get somewhere?
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“Your fault. This is YOUR FAULT.”
– My boss, after a full day of our website being down.
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Dico
Boss: So how did you get the quote?
Me: Translated from the video, lah.
Boss: Wait. Isn't the video in Malay?
Me: Yeah...
Boss: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Me: Yeah, maybe you should watch it just to double-check.
Boss: Well, yes, I think that would be wise.
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“Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for...”
– Florence + The Machines, Dog Days Are Over
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Lille
Something I said to Michelle last night is making the faxrounds (to some small extent). She Tweeted it, Nicole Tumblr’d it. I promised Michelle I’d write a hosanna, so here’s my attempt.
So here we go.
Last night after a four-hour conversation with Immi over The Last Polka, I realized something.
Little Lion Man fucked up. He’s had such incredible luck throughout his...
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Search
I always wonder about people who tell me that they lost their faith because they couldn’t find God.
I want to ask: Did you look for Him?
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“I am, among all, most richly blessed.”
– Unknown Confederate Soldier’s Prayer
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Palm
Boss: Good story.
Me: Thanks. Do you think I'll get funding now?
Boss: No.
Me: WHAT?
Boss: Hey, if you'd misquoted anything you might not even get your salary.
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Desk
My colleague just called me a “journalist magnet”. Because I know so many people in the industry.
Trust me, that’s not how I heard it.
My head hit the desk so hard I think I have a concussion. And the receptionist is trying her best not to laugh.
We’ve been texting. She just told me that I talk like Little Lion Man.
Christ. Talk about toxic.
The Last Polka. Please....
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Petit
It makes me so happy when my editor smiles.
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Kutuk
Boss: Is Pereira related to Moses?
Me: Uh... he's the investigating officer.
Boss: Ah, you didn't mention his position, so I assumed he was a character of biblical importance.
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Kena
Boss: "...if elections are rigged," said Ambiga. In? A voice which resonated from the heavens?
Me: ... In a statement.
Boss: Well, then.
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Murder
Let’s deviate from my usual style of writing for a moment just so I can relate this story.
How’s this for killer?
I’m at the PKR dinner with Little Lion Man and Anon. The former looks gorgeous - a little tanner, perhaps.
Fahmi, bless his heart, swings by every now and then to give us shit - specifically me because I didn’t tutup aurat.
And in this fucking EPIC turn...
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“I will let you down, I will make you hurt.”
– Nine Inch Nails, Hurt
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Warning
Please don’t fall in love with me.
I know it is very easy but it is also just about the stupidest thing you could do.
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“IS OK
I GO STANFORD NAO
BAIII1111oneoneoneone”
– Michelle Tam
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Jesu Cristo
Shit.
I just spoke to Jian - and I’m getting really sick of this small fucking world - but hell.
Damn.
Fuck.
I got played.
I’ll relate the events of the last two days or so properly when I’ve a moment - and the mood - but for now?
God, thank you for sending the most wonderful people into my life.
Thank you for giving me what I need, not what I want.
Writing this, I have...
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War
Me: WE'VE GOT TO BEAT THEM.
SJZ: ...
Me: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It's not a competition.
SJZ: 'COURSE IT IS.
Me: Oh THANK GOD, you think so too. Except for me it's personal lah.
SJZ: I'll bet.
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Kiss
This doesn’t hurt, because I don’t know what it is, because I have never done anything like this before.
So here’s what happened.
I’d imbibed a fair amount of alcohol that night, and at one point I actually rang The Kiddo to tell him in a slurred voice that I was tipsy. I also confessed how maddeningly attractive Anon appeared that evening, how he’d been flirting...
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Hinge
Okay, I am seriously losing it. Just when I think I am a-okay, fuck this fuck that fuck you fuck him with my KFC chicken wing and a night of great booze, I have a stray thought which makes me want to kick myself.
Today is was while I was stalking the shoe girl’s blog, and I was like “man, I bet if I had a body like hers he wouldn’t have said I wasn’t pretty enough.”
...
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Don't
Diplomat: So where are you working?
Me: Free Malaysia Today.
Diplomat: Never heard of it.
Me: Where are you from?
Diplomat: The USA.
Me: Never heard of it.
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